You know how I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed lately? Like a huge book shelf full of old Double E college books have fallen upon my chest? Well, God was really talking to me on Sunday through the lesson in Sunday School and through Dr. Mark’s message in service.

Ben, our SS teacher asked, “What is it that is keeping you from being closer to God?” I didn’t even have to think about it long. It came so fast and it was so obvious. What keeps me the farthest from God is my disobedience to Him. I know what God expects from me, I know what He wants me to do and yet sometimes I just turn my nos up at Him and do whatever Jill wants. I see this in Big Sister. I will tell her, No that is danger and she’ll look at me, trying to decide if I know what I’m talking about, then she’ll turn on her heel and do it anyway. This is always proceeded by a big fat time out. And God does that to me. He puts my booty in time out in hopes that next time I will trust Him and know that what He wants from me is GOOD.

We talked about how Nehemiah built the wall in Chapter six (of Nehemiah) how the workers worked with one hand and held their sword with the other. How am I holding my sword (God’s Word) every where I go? While I’m at “work” (which is pretty non stop when you’re a stay at home mommy, or a work at home mommy, well any kind of mommy), am I constantly teaching my girls about Jesus and His amazing love? When I’m at the grocery store and someone cuts in line with the biggest basket of items, am I giving them grace as God so consistently and constantly gives to me? When I’m driving down the road and someone is just driving like a moron am I yelling and cursing or am I taking a deep breath and turning Way FM up just a little more so I can focus on praising God?

Oh, how Ben just loves to call me out sometimes! Step on some toes and just let me squirm!

Then we turned to Romans chapter 5. Verses 1-5 read

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

This is some good stuff, right?

So, what has God lead you through so that He could build more character and hope in you?
For me, it was our miscarriage. And how perfect to bring this up now since our due date was Saturday, April 5. We could have a three year old running around right now. But God allowed us to go through that miscarriage so that I could learn to rely only on Him. That is the farthest down I have ever been in my life. But God used that. He allowed me to persevere through those hard times to give me Character (seriously, I do have some), and He instilled in me a great deal of Hope. For that I am blessed. I know that whatever God lays at my feet I will be able to trust in Him.

Lastnight, I was driving home from Super Target (!!) and I just cried my eyes out for The Smith Family. This was before I came home to read that their sweet, precious Audrey Caroline had passed. I cried for my perfectly healthy children, I cried out to my Father and begged him to make her all better. To kiss her heart and make it perfect, to kiss her kidneys and make them function properly. I just bawled like a big baby and I prayed so hard to God to comfort that family. Only later did I find out that God had kissed her and made her all better… He brought her Home.

You know, it’ll be four years since our missed miscarriage happened come this fall. I don’t know if we had a boy or girl. I always thought of that baby as a boy. We named him. Well, I named him. I’m not sure if James thinks I’m a little crazy or what - but it helped me with my grieving. I named him Jacob. The more I reread about Jacob, the less I am convinced that’s a good name for a boy. But I’ve always loved it. There are days still that I cry for that loss. That I wonder what it would be like to have a baby six months older than Big Sister, running around and being just crazy.
We planted a tree on the baby’s due date in 2005. A weeping willow tree. It always blooms a few days before April 5. I think it’s God’s promise to me that He loves me, He’s taking care of me and I will meet my little baby one day in Heaven.

And now our weekend in picture form.

After church we went to lunch with friends. As church let out it turned out that a lunch with Brandon, April and Us had turned into a lunch with eight families! Wow! I don’t think we’ve had a lunch group that big. So we took over Bellacino’s (I can’t spell) and had a wonderfully chaotic lunch!

J makes fun of me for taking pictures. Anytime I do he says, “Are you gonna put that on your blog?” Uhm, pretty much. And this is just one side of the table. The left of me was covered with couples and babies too!

Some of our adorable children!

Here is our precious friend Emma and Big Sister. They were matching on Sunday. Couldn’t they be sisters? Such cuties!

Here is Owen and Big Sister. Owen is Emma’s little brother.

I’m sure next time, Bellacino’s will lock the doors when they see us coming! You can see a few more families still hanging in there at the end.

After lunch, we visited my dad who is still staying at a physical therapy place. We stopped to say hello and show off the girls. He comes home on Wednesday! Praises, yes!

After that we went to PawPaw & Granny’s home out in the country. We love going there when it’s warm and pretty. Big Sister loves to explore with PawPaw and J and I like to swing the shade tree.

PawPaw is currently raising bees. He makes honey. Well, the bees make it, he just collects it. I bet you’d never guess this pretty flower is the top of a turnip plant, would you?

Here are PawPaw’s bee boxes. I get pretty anxious standing next to those things. PawPaw promises me that they won’t bother me. They are too busy working. It’s in June & July when there’s not alot of pollen left and the bees don’t have anything to do - that’s when they might sting. He said they are like juvenile delinquents then!

PawPaw also starting raising chickens again. There are three hens and one rooster. 11 little chicks. Here is their nests for roosting.

Here’s the rooster, two of his hens and 11 of their chicks.

I took about 100 pictures while we were there. But I won’t post them all!

Paw Paw is a retired Veterinarian and he’s always getting into something fun. He used to raise & race pigeons, chicken, hogs. They always have a garden that’s twice the size of our house & yard. They are going to Israel again this summer, so I suppose I will be going out to pick corn and beans and tomatoes and whatever else is ripe in the hot July sun.
I love going out there in the spring time and summer.

Okay, if you’ve stayed with me this far, you win a cookie!

Posted: 04|8|08 at 7:49 am. Filed under: My Walk Monday, friends, picture days, prayers.
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