Before I had my gallbladder removed in December, I wrote on a piece of paper what J were to do in the event of my death. I like to be prepared.

First, I wrote little notes to my two sweet girls. Telling them I loved them, I would miss them, that they would see me again one day. I told them to be strong, to not be sad, but to know that I am in their hearts. That one day daddy might remarry, that he might have more children, but they would always be the center of his world. Seriously, you’d think I were having brain surgery or had the C-word.

My note to J went a little like this, “If I die, make sure Tiff takes care of the children during the day. Pay her lots and lots. I want I’ll Fly Away sung, I want a pink casket, because that’s fun. I love you more than anything…” blah, blah.

Had I know this existed I would have made him promise he would make these for the girls.

Is this totally creepy to anyone else?

At any rate, I didn’t die. I am thankful, because Tiff now lives in Orlando. I mean seriously, who would watch my babies? They’d have to go to daycare or something, that day care would be shut down for not taking care of children correctly, my husband would have to quit his job to raise our children, they would live with my inlaws and would be slightly delayed socially because my inlaws live in the middle of absolutely no where. They’d be on Dateline for sure.  Whew. I’m glad I’m still here.

I saw Dad today. He’s looking better. He squeezed my hand. Blinked real hard when I told him I loved him. I think God is going to heal him again. I just don’t understand why he keeps getting so sick. My God can heal him. So why doesn’t He?

My faith is just… it’s getting hard. My heart feels hard and I’m just so tired. I can’t imagine how my momma is feeling.

Thank you all for the prayers. I cannot tell you how much they mean to me, my mom and the rest of the family.

Posted: 07|8|08 at 9:33 pm. Filed under: Life Stuff.
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