UnChristian
We’ve been doing a study called UnChristian (a book about what nonChristians think about Christians and why it matters - seriously, it’s part of the title). And I’ve been struggling with parts of the book because I agree with the secular people on their views of Christianity, or at least the representatives of Christianity. Good gracious, I know I feel like the biggest hypocrite most of the time.
Let’s get a little transparent here. Leaving church last night, Big Sister and her friend were running down the sidewalk next to the parking lot. Big Sister kept running after the sidewalk ended right into the gravel parking lot. Then she proceeded to take a rock and toss it. Her wonderful father showed her how to throw rocks. Nice, right? Well, when I get to her, I pop her on her bottom.
Let’s take a break so I can explain my spanking rule. Usually I’m a time out kind of mom. And that has worked well for us. But if she does something that we call “danger” then she can possibly get a pop on the bottom. Like running out into the road. Well, I want her to associate running out into the road with pain. And I’m pretty certain that my hand on her bottom is ALOT less painful than a car smacking into her. The same goes with the oven and stove. That’s a no no zone. Anyways, I just wanted to clarify that I am not the mother you see spanking her kids in WalMart and being the “screamy mom”.
Back to it. So, I pop her on the bottom in front of people (which I totally dislike and it makes me feel all types of horrible), make her go to the car, and then… well, then… I lay into J about it all. About how he was the one who taught her it was okay to throw rocks (who does that anyway!?), how he should have grabbed her before she got to the gravel parking lot, how he didn’t do this and how he didn’t do that. Anyway, my point is - I did not sound very Christian on our way home from church lastnight.
I didn’t feel very Christian on the way home either.
Had a nonChristian been in the car with us that night - man, that would have hurt my witnessing like crazy.
But you know what? I had two in the car with me. I had my girls.
I cannot believe that I acted the way that I did in front of them. I cannot believe that I said some of the things I said in front of them. Things about their precious Daddy. No matter what faults J may have, there is never a reason to bring them up in front of those beautiful girls.
I don’t want to hurt my witness to them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking their mommy is a hypocrite, a Sunday Christian, a person who puts on a happy face and goes to church singing “La De Da” the entire night.
I want to walk strong in my faith. I want my girls to see it, I want them to know that I love the Lord and that I have control over my emotions. I want to teach them how to have control over theirs. Of course, being married to an engineer, it makes my sneezing look like an emotional outbreak, but still… I want them to know that they can control their reactions. If I can learn it, I know they will be able to.
I don’t want to be a Christian that this book is about, that’s for sure.
July 24th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Just the fact that you’re assessing what happened and you feel something is a sign that you’re trying. It IS a journey after all. You get an A for your Aspiration to be better!!!
July 24th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Amen, Sister. I hear your heart because I too feel like that whenever my flesh sticks her ugly head up. But, the one thing that we have that the unsaved don’t and that’s the Holy Spirit. Praise God for conviction and repentance. Amen? LOL
July 24th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
We are never going to be perfect and for me I know that although God is transforming me, I’m not going to be made perfect in this life. I’m with you in wanting to give my kids the best example of Godly living and self-control that I can but in the midst of my mistakes is an opportunity for them to see that I am a sinner too, that I struggle and also see me humble myself and apologise. It can be a powerful example of repentence, humility and being real.
July 24th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Thankfully, our God is God of grace!! I agree with Steph, the fact that you are sorry is a step in the right direction. If you took it a step further and apologized to J in front of the girls and he showed you grace and they saw you asking forgiveness…you are showing them your faith in action! You can’t be perfect (i know you know that) but it would be even better for your girls to watch as you are working through such things! They will learn WAY more from a mommy and daddy that practice what you do when you mess up then ones who don’t mess up at all?? make sense?
p.s. should we do lunch tomorrow since I am back in town?
July 24th, 2008 at 8:48 pm
oh and i was wondering how the show went on Sunday?
July 25th, 2008 at 6:34 am
I think that is the first step to realize and admit when we make a mistake. Sometimes that is so hard to do. That sounds like a great book and it is important to always remember our witness where ever we are even at home. I agree with April on taking it a step further and apologize in front on the girls. That is one of the hardest things to do. I have had to do that several times with my children and it IS hard, but it teaches the children that when “Mommy” makes mistakes she wants to make it right with everyone. That is one of the biggest witnesses for your children. It is good for children to know that mommy is not perfect and God helps us grow everyday too!
July 25th, 2008 at 11:21 am
Praise the LORD for the work His spirit is doing in your heart.. I can relate to the struggle of not wanting to be a hypocrite or I know i sometimes live in fear of what kind of legacy I am leaving for kaiya to follow.. I think all the time through my sin that she will turn away from the faith.. BUT one of the many things that the LORD encourages me with is the fact that I STRUGGLE.. that after I sin I just dont sit there for weeks, or days, or months believing that it’s ok to live like this… He has encouraged me to press on and show my daughter the example of forgiveness, confession of sin, and reconciliation.. that is the BEST example and picture of the gospel you are giving your children.. Don’t grow weary my sister…preach the gospel to yourself everyday!! GOd is indeed a redeeming GOd! thanks for being so honest, and humble in this post!
Grace and Peace to you!
July 26th, 2008 at 5:42 am
Wow…awesome insights. Sounds like it’s a great study. I should check it out!
July 26th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I can definitely share in your feeling unchristian at times. Some of the hardest words to say out loud is I’m sorry. I agree, too, saying it in front of the girls will only help you all learn and grow from it. Ava has recently, within the last few months, started coming to us and saying her own version of I’m sorry. She says I sorry I mad at you (even if it’s not because she got mad). It’s just too sweet, and I wish I could say it as easily. I usually have to pray for the braveness to say it, but the forgiveness afterward is such a sweet reward.