I didn’t think I would cry. I really, honestly didn’t think I would cry.

She came in our bedroom this morning exclaiming, “I go to preschool today! Let’s go mommy!”. I’ve never seen her so excited. She talked on and on how it was time to go. She saw her shirt and shorts she picked out the night before and put them on without being asked. She said, “I need my lunch, my pack-pack, and my blanket for rest time on my big girl mat”. “Uh oh, mommy, you left your pants on the floor, you need to clean up. Let’s go to preschool now”. It was just non stop this morning.

We eat breakfast, say our prayers with Daddy, then Big Sister, Little Sister and I head off to preschool. She’s smiling in the back seat, telling Little Sister about what all she will do today. “You can’t go, you’re still a baby. But one day you can go to my school”.

I’m amazed at this little girl. How much she’s grown in three years. In three weeks. My heart breaks because she’s growing up. I am blessed.

As soon as we walk into her room, she shuts down. Hides behind my legs, doesn’t want to play, doesn’t want to play with her friend Mari. She just isn’t Big Sister. A little boy across the hallway was crying and crying. She seemed very concerned and then she too, started to cling and cry. I tell her that I love her, that she’s going to have a wonderful day. That she’ll be just fine and have so much fun.  They had to hold her in the room so I could get out. And I walked down that long hall way hearing “Mommy! Please!! Don’t leave me!!!” Another group of moms were standing in the hall way, looks of sympathy and one asks, “It’s her first time?” “Yes” I barely reply before breaking out into a flood of tears. I walked back to my car, put Little Sister in, and I cried. Like really big ugly crying cry. Shoulders shaking, snotty cry.

I called J, told him about it all. He was just as surprised as I was. Little Sister and I went on to do some errands, both with puffy eyes (hers from wanting to go home and take a nap).

An hour later, I called the preschool, talked with the sweet, sweet director and she put me on hold to go check on Big Sister. She came back with a glowing report. All the kids waved and were eating snack. Not a tear had been shed since I left.

Heartbroken and happy.

I know I’ve prayed so much for her these past few weeks, but I think I forgot to pray a little for myself as well.

Posted: 09|2|08 at 10:42 am. Filed under: Uncategorized.
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