Let’s get a little transparent here. Leaving church last night, Big Sister and her friend were running down the sidewalk next to the parking lot. Big Sister kept running after the sidewalk ended right into the gravel parking lot. Then she proceeded to take a rock and toss it. Her wonderful father showed her how to throw rocks. Nice, right? Well, when I get to her, I pop her on her bottom.

Let’s take a break so I can explain my spanking rule. Usually I’m a time out kind of mom. And that has worked well for us. But if she does something that we call “danger” then she can possibly get a pop on the bottom. Like running out into the road. Well, I want her to associate running out into the road with pain. And I’m pretty certain that my hand on her bottom is ALOT less painful than a car smacking into her. The same goes with the oven and stove. That’s a no no zone. Anyways, I just wanted to clarify that I am not the mother you see spanking her kids in WalMart and being the “screamy mom”.

Back to it. So, I pop her on the bottom in front of people (which I totally dislike and it makes me feel all types of horrible), make her go to the car, and then… well, then… I lay into J about it all. About how he was the one who taught her it was okay to throw rocks (who does that anyway!?), how he should have grabbed her before she got to the gravel parking lot, how he didn’t do this and how he didn’t do that. Anyway, my point is - I did not sound very Christian on our way home from church lastnight.

I didn’t feel very Christian on the way home either.

Had a nonChristian been in the car with us that night - man, that would have hurt my witnessing like crazy.

But you know what? I had two in the car with me. I had my girls.

I cannot believe that I acted the way that I did in front of them. I cannot believe that I said some of the things I said in front of them. Things about their precious Daddy. No matter what faults J may have, there is never a reason to bring them up in front of those beautiful girls.

I don’t want to hurt my witness to them. I don’t want them to grow up thinking their mommy is a hypocrite, a Sunday Christian, a person who puts on a happy face and goes to church singing “La De Da” the entire night.

I want to walk strong in my faith. I want my girls to see it, I want them to know that I love the Lord and that I have control over my emotions. I want to teach them how to have control over theirs. Of course, being married to an engineer, it makes my sneezing look like an emotional outbreak, but still… I want them to know that they can control their reactions. If I can learn it, I know they will be able to.

I don’t want to be a Christian that this book is about, that’s for sure.

Big Sister gave Little Sister a piece of her plain toast this morning and LS has been carrying it around in her mouth ever since.

Just eat it, please!

For more Wordless Wednesday visit 5minuteformom.com 

Big Sister loves Real-Sadie so much that we now have a Pretend-Sadie in our house. Pretend Sadie needs real food on real plates, real chocolate milk in real cups and even real baths. Pretend-Sadie doesn’t have a job to help out with the real food she’s eating and the real water she’s bathing in, so Pretend-Sadie doesn’t get those things. My very real two year old thinks the world is ending when I have to send Pretend-Sadie home for a nap. She will stand at our dining room windows and cry, “Sadie, com back! Come BACK!!” for twenty full minutes. Pretend-Sadie often gives me headaches. And I never knew a pretend friend could get so many time outs.

Pretend Sadie also takes lots of naps and gets in trouble when she gets out of bed.

Basically, my very real two year old talks to Pretend Sadie the way I talk to Big Sister. This has been a very real eye opener.

But seriously, if you had a friend who looked like this, wouldn’t you want to pretend she were here all day, every day, too?

I think what I love most about direct sales is that you control what you do, how much you make, what kind of hours you want and how well you do. I love it. I’m seriously not trying to sell anything here. I’m just excited.

I went to Hannah’s party lastnight and found the absolute cutest necklace for Big Sister’s 3rd Birthday. Oh man, I cannot believe that she is going to be THREE in 7 weeks (I originally thought six before looking at the calendar, but still… seven weeks ’til I have an official big girl).

Did you know that I’ve started planning her birthday party. Oh, it’s going to be great. Candy Land is the theme this year. I’m not an overly themed kind of gal. For instance, her first birthday was just a cup cake party with a color theme of pink & brown. Last year she had a Lady Bug Picnic party. I’m not completely sold on what I’ll be doing as far as decorations or even how the cake will be. But I am certain of having tons of jars lined up on one table full of candy that can be added to children’s goodie bags to take home.

Anyways, back to the necklace. It’s an adorable little lollipop with (get this!) a little toothbrush as well. Seriously, it’s cuter than that. And I CANNOT wait to get it!

Did you know that Little Sister (is going to be one year old and I won’t have a “baby” anymore. How did this happen? Why does time just not stand still forever and ever?!) is going to have a Pumpkin Patch themed birthday? It’s going to be great. With a pick a pumpkin from the patch (our back yard), paint your pumpkin craft, and some type of pumpkin-y game. I’m excited because I L-O-V-E birthday parties. And I’ll have years and years worth of party planning under my belt to get ready for two weddings.

Oh happy day! I love having girls!!

**The GiveAway has been postponed until BooMama gets back from vacation & tells us what the dealy is.

I’m off to do loads of work for my very first Open House! Whoo freaking HOO!

Thanks April & Julie for a wonderful lunch at Jason’s Deli and a nice little trip to Ashley’s & Bed Bath & Beyond!

Tiff and I have been playing phone tag this week. Big Sister wanted to talk with Skyler over the weekend, she wanted to know if he has seen any crocodiles/alligators. For whatever reason, she thought Lowe’s was going to have alligators. I told her we could call Skyler to see if he’s seen any in Orlando.

Skyler called yesterday and left the CUTEST message ever. And I think I will save it on my cell phone until they get married in 20 years. If I could figure out how to post it on here, I would. He said, “This is Skyler, call me back, I love you” in his sweet as can be four year old little voice. Big Sister has listened to it a hundred times and she smiles so much each time.

This afternoon, we were finally able to catch up with Tiff & Skyler. Here’s a picture of Big Sister talking to her best friend.

This is from April. Maybe another proposal will happen?

For more Wordless Wednesday check out 5minutesformom.com 

Yesterday, as I was leaving home to visit my dad in the ICU, I saw the big brown UPS truck pull into our neighborhood. I probably would have stopped him right then and there and demanded that he search his truck for my box… but I was running late and something about messing with postal workers being illegal kind of scared me off.

So, when I got home from seeing my dad (he pretty much slept the entire time because he had just had a pain shot. BUT he’s been breathing on his own for two days!!!), I tore open the box and got an actual glimpse of the real deal. See, I’ve been stalking the website and looking at the catalog online for days and days. But now, I have lovely catalogs in my possession and I just look and dream and figure out what I want where. Because, y’all, I’m going to buy it all.

Back to the party. I’m so excited. I never thought I would be one to sell this kind of stuff, or anything really. Mainly because I’m a mom and that’s my full time job. I didn’t want to take away myself from my children. Thankfully, I still don’t have to do that. I get to pick my hours, work when I want to, work when my husband is home with our children, or on Sundays, work when they are taking a big long nap! How luck am I?

And the most wonderful thing about this company is that we’re so new, there is just so much room to grow and rise in position. Right now, I’m the lowly man on the totem pole. But my upline (Kelly, who got me started) is already a Senior Director (4 levels up out of the 7) and she only started less than one year ago. She’s already earned an all expenses (flight & everything) paid CRUISE that they will be going on in January. That’s so exciting! There is just so much potential with this company.

I’ve made several seasonal canvases, tiles, glass blocks and I have expressions through out our home. I think this will be a very wonderful Open House. I’m just happy to get this first one out of the way!

You can view what I’m so excited about here: http://uppercaseliving.com. Click on Customer Corner Log In.  Use my demonstrator ID:  923221 and Token: perryman

Go check out the new Fall/Winter catalog. There’s a million wonderful Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas ideas both for on the wall and off the wall!

Friday the surgery finally happened a little before 1pm. Big Sister went to her friend Mari’s house to swim. On the way there she was telling Little Sister, “You’re a baby. You can’t go swim at Mari’s. When you a big girl like me, then you go”. Little Sister just stares at Big Sister with either looks of amazement or looks for complete annoyance. They are very similar. So, Little Sister stayed with me & my mom in the ICU waiting room, then the OR surgery waiting room, then back to the ICU waiting room. For three hours we were all there and she did amazingly. Answered prayers, indeed.

Dad’s surgery went very well. It was a very quick procedure, lasting only about 20 minutes. On the way up to the OR, dad was able to see Little Sister. He smiled, and let me tell you, the flood gates opened. I was so happy that he saw her. We said bye before he went back, and on the way back down to the ICU mom rode in the elevator with him. I did not. We had the big behemoth of a stroller with us, so Little Sis and I had to take a separate elevator. After about an hour after surgery, we were able to go back to see him. Mom let me go first and she stayed with Little Sis.

Oh, y’all. Never in my life, besides the nights my babies were born, have I ever been able to see and feel God’s glory. Like, I felt it. My skin crawled and there was such peace that I haven’t experienced in such a long time. Y’all, I saw my dad’s eyes OPEN. For the first time in 15 days. He was awake. I squeezed his hand and he squeezed back. I know it’s hard to wrap your head around it if you haven’t been there. But just stick with me. God has been doing so much work and it hasn’t just been on my father’s physical abilities. He’s been working in my heart. But more on that later.

I squeezed my dad’s hand. He lifted up his right arm to show me how much strength he still had. Oh, thank you Lord! He winked at me. If any of you are a Daddy’s Girl you know how special a bond there is between daughter and father. Oh, it’s precious. I talked for a little bit, told him how extremely proud I am of him, how wonderful it is to see him awake. How I’ve missed his pretty blue eyes. I kidded a little bit, he would grin.

And to get a little glimpse at my dad’s humor, I was telling him a story about Big & Little and he furrowed his brow at me. I said again, “You know, Big & Little?” He shook his head ‘no’. Panic sunk in. I said, “Daddy, you know, my girls? You know who I’m talking about??” He, again, shook his head. “Daddy, Big and Little. My girls. You remember, right?” A sheepish grin spreads across him lips. “Don’t do that. It’s not funny and it’s too soon to kid me like that!” He totally knew my girls. He just wanted me to worry. Always my dad, one to make others laugh (y’know, after giving them a panic attack).

We cried, we laughed. All in about ten minutes. I went back to the ICU waiting room so mom could go back.

And I think, oh Lord, I think about how I would feel to see J after a long two week battle in the ICU. I think about all the long battles mom has been through with dad. I think of all the suffering she has watched her husband, her love, go through. Oh, how it breaks my heart. How it strengthens my faith, how it makes me hold J’s hand a little tighter. I am so thankful for my mom’s love. Her grace, her patience, her ability to persevere. I thank God for my parents’ love for one another. There ability to move mountains and still love one another.

I thank God that he is in the middle of their relationship.

So, seeing God’s glory…

The past two weeks I have been angry. I’ve been mad. I’ve been questioning God’s reasoning. I’ve questioned why God has chosen the paths He has. Why He’s let happen the things that have happened.

But I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter. God is so big, y’all. He’s so big, he can take it. He can hold me while I through my fit on the floor, He can allow me to “run away” like a little child does when he’s angry. Did you ever “run away”? Maybe you packed your favorite blanket and teddy bear. Maybe a little snack too? Maybe you got as far as the porch or the sidewalk before realizing it’s a tough world out there? I feel like I’ve been pouting on the porch swing, waiting until I finally give in and go back inside. I’ve gone back inside, and my Father has greeted me with open arms. I feel like He’s been telling me, “Jill, honey, please be patient. I do know what I am doing. I have a plan. You father is a big part of this plan. I am performing miracles. My glory is being seen. My glory is being taught. My glory is in your father’s healing. Give me time, sweet child, I know what I am doing.”

And I have to trust that. I have to trust that God is doing exactly what He needs to do.

This morning, I went to visit him. He looked well. He still cannot talk. But he will be able to soon. They are putting the feeding tube back in (he’s had a tube to drain his belly because of the mass near his colon). They turned the ventilator off (!!!). He was breathing on his own (!!!!) and according to the doctor, he was breathing deeper than what the ventilator was doing for him (!!!!!). If that’s not God’s glory, I don’t know what is.

“Who is he, this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty—
he is the King of glory.”
Psalm 24:10

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Let the people rejoice!
O come to the Father, through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory, great things He has done.

They are putting in the trecheotomy. I’m concerned because his doctor wanted to do it in the O.R., when this is usually an in room procedure. I’m thankful he wants to be prepared for anything, but worried that he thinks something may go wrong.

I know God will be present and will guide the surgeons hands.

First, I wrote little notes to my two sweet girls. Telling them I loved them, I would miss them, that they would see me again one day. I told them to be strong, to not be sad, but to know that I am in their hearts. That one day daddy might remarry, that he might have more children, but they would always be the center of his world. Seriously, you’d think I were having brain surgery or had the C-word.

My note to J went a little like this, “If I die, make sure Tiff takes care of the children during the day. Pay her lots and lots. I want I’ll Fly Away sung, I want a pink casket, because that’s fun. I love you more than anything…” blah, blah.

Had I know this existed I would have made him promise he would make these for the girls.

Is this totally creepy to anyone else?

At any rate, I didn’t die. I am thankful, because Tiff now lives in Orlando. I mean seriously, who would watch my babies? They’d have to go to daycare or something, that day care would be shut down for not taking care of children correctly, my husband would have to quit his job to raise our children, they would live with my inlaws and would be slightly delayed socially because my inlaws live in the middle of absolutely no where. They’d be on Dateline for sure.  Whew. I’m glad I’m still here.

I saw Dad today. He’s looking better. He squeezed my hand. Blinked real hard when I told him I loved him. I think God is going to heal him again. I just don’t understand why he keeps getting so sick. My God can heal him. So why doesn’t He?

My faith is just… it’s getting hard. My heart feels hard and I’m just so tired. I can’t imagine how my momma is feeling.

Thank you all for the prayers. I cannot tell you how much they mean to me, my mom and the rest of the family.